the whole loaf

Sleeping with Bread

Sometimes adolescence seems like nothing more than a futile search for connectedness. The entire goal in life is to find others whose magnets attract our own. After marriage and family, the need for connectedness is just as strong.

Connection is also something you don’t always realize you have until it is gone. Over the past two weeks, this bronchitis has made me much less present than I would normally be. Every moment, I felt separate from everything that was going on around me. People could interact with me, and I would just foggily stare (most likely with mouth agape and required drool). I can honestly say that I felt less than connected to the family as a whole. I was glad that no one else was suffering with me, but I felt very much like I was just a member of the audience.

And yet…

Yes, it is true, family is stronger than Kleenex. Even though I felt separate, I was still Mom. I remained Wife. My family didn’t turn their backs on me simply because I was physically and emotionally incapable of being the entire person I usually am. Connections didn’t cease.

Sometimes, when we are going through hardship and feel disconnected, when some major trial pushes us to the outer edges of humanity and we feel like an observer of the world instead of a participant, we believe we have no connection. That lie often speaks to us in our sorrow.

And yet…

God the father looks upon us with arms outstretched. We are still Child.

It’s too bad we are often so fond of shoving cotton in our ears.