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Sunday, September 24, 2006

t-i-r-e-d

Realizing that I am the most myself when I am tired is a scary thing. I’m not very nice. Wrangling all of the children through a football day including team pictures, various arrival times and clothing changes while I have a migraine, and the dh is announcing the games, gives me a glimpse of just how short-tempered I really am. The things which come out of the mouth when under duress are those which most accurately represent where the heart truly rests. In those times, I find that I do not lean on the strength of God, but get snippy, irritable, and extraordinarily frustrated. I find myself spending altogether too much time concentrating on the negative as I attempt to spread my attention over too wide of an arc. Who am I?



Release

And still
there is more to say...
exhaustion
surrounds me like a fog.
My eyes
won’t close to today -
no resolution
too many unmended scars -
gashes,
re-opened by darkness.
I hide.
I cry in silence,
turning
my inner arms
and heart
away from caring.
I pray,
I do love you God.
I pray,
You terrify me Lord!
I pray,
help me feel Your love -
rapture,
the release of intimate
union
with You!

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4 Comments:

  • Are you sure you and I aren't related? I've been completely, utterly tired for months now do to a little sleep apnea issue. (If I mentioned this before, I'm sorry.) It is getting better now but I have not been a beautiful person to my near and dear ones.

    I love the poem. It is excellent.

    By Blogger Mary-LUE, at 11:42 AM  

  • How's the new mask coming along for the apnea? I hope it eventually becomes unnoticeable (I bet you do too).

    It is amazing how quickly my temper can turn when I am tired, so I know you must really be struggling. I usually have no one to blame but myself for the tiredness (self-induced insomnia).

    Thanks! :)

    -me

    By Blogger atypical, at 2:41 PM  

  • I finally had a good night on the mask last night. It has taken some adjusting of the mask itself, consistency with my Rhinocort which keeps sinus headache/pain at bay, and toying with the humidifier. Hopefully, this will be the beginning of an upswing.

    Thanks for asking. I'll will lift up prayers for courage in phone calling and good results from the doctor!

    By Blogger Mary-LUE, at 3:17 PM  

  • Glad it looks like there might be an upswing on the horizon! Thanks for the prayers. They are ALWAYS appreciated. :)

    By Blogger atypical, at 4:36 PM  

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