dear mr. trashman

I am so sorry to inconvenience you by actually having garbage. It was not my intention to make your life more difficult when I didn’t starve my children and pets to avoid extra consumption on a week when a holiday took away one of our regular pick-up dates.

I appreciate the fact that you only left one of my cans in the street. I am sure the elderly pedestrians are also grateful that you only chose to throw one can and the lids onto the sidewalk, thereby affording them the possible opportunity of circumnavigating the bins without bodily harm.

I am sure you have gone above and beyond the call of duty by actually dumping the contents of the cans into the truck as opposed to taking only those items which are bagged.

It is not an envious job that you have, and I am just ever so thankful you see it as your mission to carry out your menial duties with such flair and thoroughness.