nonsensical text

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

evidence of instability

As if anyone needed more proof that I am at least a little off-kilter, here I sit second guessing myself.

So, the doc asked a series of questions which I answered as truthfully as possible (considering my mind turns into a steel sieve the minute I see the stethoscope). Why does it take me until hours later to realize I answered something with potential incorrectness? This is especially aggravating since I have a mortal fear of making phone calls. I am fine when people call me, but the other way around is a panic attack waiting to happen. It likely wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't have just enough medical knowledge to make me dangerous. I get the ramifications of what I accidentally answered wrong. I have to call the man; I just don't want to.

And while I am on this rag about all things medical, what is it with medications whose list of potential side-effects and complications are 3000 times worse than the condition they are supposed to be treating?

"Gee kids, Mommy is sorry she can't play with you today because she now has a hole in her stomach since she no longer felt like having a puffy ankle. Yes, it could be fatal, of course, but my ankle will look so much slimmer in the coffin."


So, I guess the fact is, no matter how desperately I tried the word association, one of the big questions is sneaking its way into the picture.

Why do I always leave room for second guessing? Why do I always have to know? Why do I continually slightly influence the impressions people get by responding partly with what I think someone wants to hear instead of with the whole truth (even though what I am saying is still the truth)? Will I be able to publish this post, or will I deem it too revealing?

Geesh, now I can't even count. That sure looks like more than one to me.

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