cat sitting
So, I get a call from my mother.
"I know I said I would try to make it to football practice on Wednesday or Thursday, but I completely forgot those were the days I told your sister I would feed the cat and spend some time with him."
Since my memory is such that I had completely forgotten she had mentioned coming to practice on those days, this was not even a hiccup in my world. If my family were normal, the story would end here. But you see, I got my skewed nature quite honestly.
"I played with the cat with a flashlight for awhile, but he got bored."
Again, nothing major to this little revelation. Cats never let you think you are entertaining them too much. They would never relinquish their lordship so easily. But it does go on. Apparently, a school friend of my niece's is to be feeding the cat in the AM's. Apparently someone left the sliding door unlocked(hopefully they were not still outside as my sister often has people staying there). Paranoia point one. Apparently, the blinds are broken in the master bedroom (which, by the way, faces the REAR of the house). Paranoia point two.
"It would be easy to see that no one was in the bed all night. So I (giggle) made a fake body. I couldn't find a wig."
Here there was one of those pauses my mother is famous for. A pause just long enough to make you wonder if she is going to leave you hanging on this bit of information.
"So, I got (niece's) stuffed monkey. Some people do have white hair."
Again with the pausing.
"I found a basketball. And (BIL's) clothes were there, so I arranged them. There was a book sitting on the bed stand, and I put that on the bed. Where it dropped when he (the dummy) fell asleep. I don't know if anyone is actually reading the book or not."
Again the pause.
Have you any idea how hard a person can shake from stifling laughter before causing some kind of explosion? I am relatively sure I was close to the brink on this one. The strange thing is, the retelling can't even begin to capture the reality. I'm sure glad I don't come from a normal family.
"Gosh, I hope they don't get scared when they come home."
"I know I said I would try to make it to football practice on Wednesday or Thursday, but I completely forgot those were the days I told your sister I would feed the cat and spend some time with him."
Since my memory is such that I had completely forgotten she had mentioned coming to practice on those days, this was not even a hiccup in my world. If my family were normal, the story would end here. But you see, I got my skewed nature quite honestly.
"I played with the cat with a flashlight for awhile, but he got bored."
Again, nothing major to this little revelation. Cats never let you think you are entertaining them too much. They would never relinquish their lordship so easily. But it does go on. Apparently, a school friend of my niece's is to be feeding the cat in the AM's. Apparently someone left the sliding door unlocked(hopefully they were not still outside as my sister often has people staying there). Paranoia point one. Apparently, the blinds are broken in the master bedroom (which, by the way, faces the REAR of the house). Paranoia point two.
"It would be easy to see that no one was in the bed all night. So I (giggle) made a fake body. I couldn't find a wig."
Here there was one of those pauses my mother is famous for. A pause just long enough to make you wonder if she is going to leave you hanging on this bit of information.
"So, I got (niece's) stuffed monkey. Some people do have white hair."
Again with the pausing.
"I found a basketball. And (BIL's) clothes were there, so I arranged them. There was a book sitting on the bed stand, and I put that on the bed. Where it dropped when he (the dummy) fell asleep. I don't know if anyone is actually reading the book or not."
Again the pause.
Have you any idea how hard a person can shake from stifling laughter before causing some kind of explosion? I am relatively sure I was close to the brink on this one. The strange thing is, the retelling can't even begin to capture the reality. I'm sure glad I don't come from a normal family.
"Gosh, I hope they don't get scared when they come home."
Labels: nonsense
posted by atypical at
12:07 AM
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