burnt ends

sleeping with bread




I have recently gotten far too much practice in the art of being drained of life. I don’t even have to do much to accomplish it. My arms often feel too heavy to lift. Even shuffling my feet along on the trek from kitchen to dining room feels like hours of jumping hurdles. Even though I am getting much better sleep than is usual for me, I never seem to feel well rested. Even thinking of what to make for dinner takes more mental concentration than I can muster.

Perhaps the aspect of this exhaustive draining that causes me the most strife is that I have a very difficult time allowing the blessings I have been given to flow out on those around me. The very quality of exhaustion makes me more prone to snapping at my children and accomplishing nothing around the house. This in turn leads to guilt. The guilt feeds in to an overwhelming inability to accomplish.

I know I have written about this before. It does seem to be a continuous cycle. I don’t know, maybe I just like to have something to complain about. But complaining does nothing to ward off the problem. In fact, all it seems to do is use up what little energy I have.

But, just like God provided manna in the wilderness, He provides small blessings for me on a day to day basis – little nourishing tidbits that serve to carry me through the rough spots.

Just when I think I can’t possibly keep my eyes open for another minute, a new trickle of energy carries me through the task at hand. Just when I am positive that my healthy emotions are petrified under a crusty layer of kool-aid mix, yogurt, and Elmer’s school glue, the warm sun and gentle breeze caress the skin of my cheek like the lips of a mother on the face of her newborn child.

Just when I think I can’t take another minute of the squabbling nature of sibling relations, I am privileged to witness the companionship side of the equation. My three youngest sit in a sandbox with the toddler next door and help her venture forth into a new era of discovery. All this, and no one got sand in their eye.

God is good – all the time.

All the time, God is good.