in the secret....

My best friend is pregnant. As she talks to me about the cuteness of the children writing cards for their unborn baby sister, I smile with the vision that is brought to mind. But there is a quieter vision – the form of my inner self on bended knee crying out to God, “Please, Lord, don’t let these children lose their innocence!”

As I calendar watch, I feel a sense of relief as the 20 week mark passes – the invisible line drawn to distinguish between miscarriage and stillbirth should the unthinkable occur. I pray that is a demarcation that will have no bearing on her life. I know it is a very small statistical possibility. I am not consumed with fear, but the unwitting acknowledgement of the possibility is ever present with me, and will likely always be.

I look at the beautiful sonogram pictures – one so preciously framing the delicate, long fingers of a little girl in the making. I am in awe of the handiwork of God; I am grateful for this life.

There came a time in my subsequent pregnancies in which I surrendered to loving the child fiercely. If that had been the only time I had with those children, I didn’t want to feel that I had cheated them. This child, growing so strong in the womb of my closer-than-sister, this child I surround with my prayers and know that, no matter what, she will be held in the loving arms of God.