huggin dat bread

sleeping with bread - in a bed!

Being fragmented usually refers to thoughts and feelings which are internal - when one’s focus is spread in varying directions, and the gaps between them are not easily connected. Wholeness, on the other hand, does not necessarily denote a single area of focus, but a harmony to the varying aspects of life.

While it could easily be said that the past week contained the mental type of fragmentation, it was evidenced quite clearly in the physical realm as well. My children have been riding a roller coaster of sickness for about two weeks now. While one day is good and another not so good, the whining and need to be cuddled have certainly been present even on the good days. I have been trying to catch up on some of the schooling around here and also on forcing myself into some kind of recognizable routine – one which allows for spontaneity, yes, but routine nonetheless. Add to this the sudden and unexpected renovation of our bedroom, and you will get a picture of what things have been like around here.

The room had no closet. Da hubster bought a wardrobe. He was merely removing stuff from the room to take up the carpet in that spot to install the wardrobe. Da wife – that’s me – was sooooooo thrilled to see the ugly, orange, lint-grabbing , seventies- loving, bacteria-breeding carpet coming up that it ALL had to go. The wood floor underneath looked great UNTIL we got to the last corner which was patched with the wrong type of wood - and until we disassembled the waterbed to find the stained spots underneath. Said bed was discovered to be in very poor health during disassembly. Eldest son commented that, while the room was in such a state, we might as well take advantage of the emptiness to get rid of the horrible snowflake/star patterned ceiling tiles. We could not deny his rightness. Thus began the scattered phase.

My thoughts have been fragmented, certainly, but it has been so clearly evidenced by the condition of my house. My dining room table became a storehouse for all items awaiting sorting. The bureaus from the bedroom took on positions of priority in the dining room as well. Other furniture clogged one side of the living room. Paint, spackle, wood, tools and other construction supplies found resting places as varied as the bathroom, the kitchen counters, and the landing to the basement. Various baskets containing items in mid-declutter phase were perched upon any flat surface (and some not so flat). Blankets were folded on two of the living room couches which, for a week, doubled as our beds. Pandemonium. Fragmentation. Chaos.

It is a testament to the greatness of God that I actually managed to accomplish better school days amidst the wreckage than I have for some time.

The majority of the painting was finished Friday (except for a taping accident which shall remain unblogged). The flooring went down Saturday into the wee small hours – there isn’t a square corner in this house. Sunday was spent putting together a wardrobe -which is what started this whole mess. Today, I was not to be deterred by the fact that the poor husband came down with the sickies. I’m exhausted, my ankle hurts, my house is still chaotic, but there is purpose! The furniture went back into the room (some of it anyway). We bought a new bed frame (granted, we didn’t get the mattress yet). I am beginning to find the rest of my house. I actually managed to do laundry, dishes, and take a shower in the same day. Along with the physical manifestation of wholeness that a new room so clearly displays, my mind found wholeness this morning. I had drive and desire.

It’s a good thing that, spiritually, God can keep me whole even when there are bits of me floating all over the place. Even at my most scattered I still fit in the security of His arms.

Now hopefully I will get the table cleared off before school in the morning. If not, I can always blame YOU.